Holding a cup of drink, that your good friend just passed on to you, with a trashy party song going on at the back and you are having a really good time, but then all of a sudden it crawls inside you again. It whispers in your ear, it holds your bones, it is there again and you stand still, holding the cup and contemplating that this is it. Your lips aren’t stretched as they were before, you stop smiling and realize how temporary everything is. The very thought of everything ending soon and you being left alone, no one to answer to and no one to ask any question to.
This is about relating to geographies, matter and people that resonate with my sense of being alone, with no one around, rotting and rusting away into the air of loneliness.
They say “when you are about to die, you see progressive weird lights engulfing you, surrounding us slowly and then all at once into a peaceful and soothing space that you don’t wish to let go”, but isn’t it something similar when we are alive?
I feel we are constantly surrounded by people, stories, incidents and experiences that we sometimes wish to never get over with and I try to keep a memory of such alienated experiences both mentally and visually, that results in sudden emotional orgasms, the feeling of being far away from my own self at random times and resonating with emotions. This is based on moments that continues to confuse me between dreams and reality and transcends me into another far off place in my head.
Heat, dust, handmade heaven, vibrant colors, the feet moving drum beats and exotic cultures from all over world, Surajkund Mela aka Surajkund Art and Handicrafts Fair. This is organised by Haryana Tourism in collaboration with Union Ministries of Tourism, Textiles, Culture and External Affairs. A full fledged carnival for anyone no matter what age and also a great opportunity for local handicraft artists and villagers to set up their own stalls.
There are a few things you can never change, you can only adapt and embrace each moment that you have. Perhaps, nothing is stationary on this big giant ball, everything tends to change and end. I feel the word ‘ephemeral’ can suffice for the situation pretty well. Relations, people, time and every possible thing is transitory or existing only briefly.
In 2013. my niece was 3 when she left India for her new life in Dubai along with her parents. I always thought she would be too young to remember us. A whole new country, new life and new ways of living would probably influence her enough to forget us all. I imagined it as footsteps on wet sand on a sea shore, being washed away with little friendly waves.
Months passed and they paid visits to India quite frequently. She was different every time, a few things changed but some remained the same, especially her memory. She didn’t forget any of us. For myself, the fondest memory of her as a small child was her playing on the terrace all day long.
While playing random games, hiding, running and peek-a-booing with her, there was one thing that itched in me all the time: “Would it be the same next time? Maybe she will outgrow us!” After hours of contemplating life, the future, the past and everything else, I came to the realization that it is no good overthinking. This is the moment – embrace it.
I hope one day, when she is big enough, she will look at these and feel happy for this, I guess that would complete my purpose in a way or other.
I wish her all the happiness in life, to the beautiful soul Aarna.